Breakfast Rage

I wake up in a bad mood. I don't get up on the wrong side of the bed, I get up on the wrong side of the world. Clearly, this is not a good situation. It's considered unacceptable to slaughter the population of a town because I was forced out of my bed just to go to work.

In a quick aside; why is your bed at it's most comfortable in the 10 minutes before you have to get up to go to work? It's highly unfair. There should be some sort of government research done. If we could make it so that you felt like that for the entire night there would be no more war. People would be far too blissed out on sleep. What was I saying?.....

Ok. The red mist. My alarm goes off. I hit snooze for ten minutes of being the most comfortable I have ever been in my life. I can't relax. There is that little part of me saying, "you have 6 mins and 12 secs..... you have six mins and 2 secs etc". When I am at the point where I would happily lobotomise myself with a spoon just to get me to shut up the alarm goes off.

I drag my arse (ass if you are a septic) out of bed and I am clearly not happy. You may have realised by now that I am not really much of a morning person. Anyway the information that I started this blog to pass on. The nugget of truth and beauty that I discovered works for me is as follows.

Aside number 2. Please dont comment with things like, " Oh yeah, I could have told you that" unless you do want me to come for you with pitch fork and flaming torch.

Ok here it comes! Boiled eggs! Yes! I thank you! Boiled eggs appear to be the cure. I am assuming it's the protein thing first thing that kickstarts my metabolism. I usually add some toast with Marmite on it (I prefer veggiemite but I have none in my fridge and I am not much of a shopping person. I will get into this later. I can only face so much rage at once and the incandescence I achieve about shopping has to be appreciated seperately (like a frenchman testing nukes on a south pacific island.).

My day can go a couple of ways.

If I eat eggs...
User-"Can I have help with my PC problem?".
Me -"Certainly, Lets sit down and I can take you through it".

If I don't eat eggs...
User-"Can I have help with my PC problem?".
Me -"The fires of hell will crisp your bones and the scream of your anguished soul will rattle through your empty scorched eye sockets".
User-"Please put my monitor down"

So there you have it. My rage and the only way I have to fight it so far. I see myself as Dr David Banner. I must walk alone to protect people from the hideous consequences of my rage. Don't give me oatmeal, You wouldn't like me when I eat oatmeal.