I can't believe you don't shut up.

Grabbed a lift to the gym today. One of the chaps was heading over to play footy so I tagged along. I could run it and skip the treadmill I suppose. Might even start doing that.

I figured three times a week isn't too much to work out. I am going to swim also and maybe have a go at yoga. What the hell eh? It's all included in the membership. If I am perfectly honest there is a chance I might even have a crack at aerobics or something that's just a little bit feminine.

Funny how when things are free and available you think, 'oh, it wouldn't hurt to give this a go'. Probably explains why politicians are always getting caught in hotel rooms wearing ladies underwear with a tangerine stuffed up their arses. Let's hope this new exercise routine doesn't go that far. I am not that keen on fruit.

If I suddenly decide to go to aqua aerobics I will let you know. We have no secrets, you and I. I might not mention the pink flowery swimming cap, or the short shorts and leg warmers I will have to don for aerobics. and maybe a headband!. and very possibly an extremely tight 70's t-shirt (see the video for call on me and you'll get an idea of the look I mean!).

Anyway, back to the lift. In previous posts I have explained about roundabouts and the need for people to have their fingers repeatedly slammed under the bonnet until they learn to use them properly.

So we are heading to the gym. We are in the right turn or straight on lane. In the lane to our immediate left (the lane that was for people going straight on) was this beat to shit car.

I eyed it a bit dubiously as I could see the driver hanging out of the window smoking a fag (for our colonial cousins that's smoking a cigarette not doing a driveby on a homosexual, just to be clear). I noticed her as she didn't seem to be paying a whole lot of attention to the road.

I started to say to the driver next to me that she shouldn't get to close to her as she looked like she couldn't drive for shit as there were dents all along the side of her car (ok, I know I was jumping to conclusions after all she could be a very skillful and careful driver with a clumsy partner).

Anyway, before I could jokingly warn my chauffeur she crossed into our lane and side swiped the rear left wing of our car. She wasn't jerky about it, it was a really smooth swoop into the rear of the car.

We stopped, she stopped, there was the usual swapping of insurance details. She then proceded to tell the driver why he was in the wrong (he wasn't) and how he needed to be more careful (presumably she meant to not be in the way when she was driving like a nutter). Now our hero was very calm and just swapped details. No arguments no yelling, I was impressed by this because all I wanted to do was see how far I could get my foot up her arse.

Anyway, I sat in the car quietly grinding my teeth and being polite. The business is concluded and she starts to drive off and leans out of the window and says, "make sure you are in the right lane next time"

If someone gave a course of things to say and times to say them in that would cause maximum rage in me she'd get an A. She gets double points for saying out of a car window as she pulls away.

Ok, nobody would blame me if I roughed her up a bit? Come on, I am not asking for much. It bugs the piss out of me when something is obviously someones fault and they keep refusing the blame or blaming someone else. Maybe she thought that by saying it it would become true?

If it had been just me she would have looked in her rearview window to see me driving after her like something out of mad max while howling like a beast.

I was a little shook up but I guess it turned out pretty well. No one was hurt. It could have so easily gone another way and you lot would never have known! One day, no more blog. Unnerving isn't it? I saw a quote once,

1."come on you want to live forever"

2."dunno , ask me in a couple of hundred years"

Whatever. If I am going to die young I'd rather it was from me doing something unwise (like a married woman) than some idiot bagging me by mistake. So people. Please drive carefully for the sake of people who are just minding their own business. If you do happen to hit me with you car you had better stop and finish me off or I will find you and kill you with a stick. It's for your own good.

This whole incident is told as it happened. I have no reason to lie on this blog.

You can't make this crap up!