Starsky and Hutch
Been a few days since I have made an entry.
I was busy ok? What are you? My mother?
Anyway, I had an exam to go to Monday. One of the dreaded Microsoft ones so I did a little work beforehand to make sure I was up to scratch and the night before I had a few pints to make sure I was calm and got a good nights sleep.
Actually reel back a bit. I had been working on this for a bit but the weekend is mine. I got some beer, some wine and a friend to watch DVDs with. Nice and relaxing. Actually the sparkling chardonnay from my local supermarket is pretty good.
While we are on the subject if you get the chance to try the sparkling Pinot grigio crack on. Not bad as a champers substitute.
Well, I decided to make nachos. Bought some tortilla chips, some guac, some sour cream, cheese, chillies etc. Knocked up my own salsa. I like hot spicy food so I wasn't shy with the chilli. It was all going swimmingly, had a few beers. Made the dish. Tried a bite and it seemed like I had tried drinking molten lead.
My oesophagus went into some sort of spasm and I ended up with seriously unfunny hiccoughs. The sort of hiccoughs that wrench your entire body.
It was at this point that I remembered this gem
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez
/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=3395000&dopt=Citation
This is from the IgNobel awards, the title was "Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage."
Basically, if you have hiccoughs and you can't stop, a finger up the arse will cure you!
Now I am all one for medical research but how the hell did they first discover this? I take it somebody had a bad case and was willing to try anything. Imagine the scene at a Harley street clinic.
"Please Doc (hic), I have been hiccouging (hic) for 15 years. (hic) I get no more than 3 seconds sleep at (hic) once. I am going (hic) Insane. HELP ME!"
"Well Mr Johnson, we have tried everything that medical scince has to offer but I have an idea. They laughed at me at med school and called me mad. MAD I TELL YOU! WHua ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa"
"Anything, I (hic) am desperate"
"Ok turn around and drop trou"
(Turning and dropping his trouser and underpants) "Why am I (hic) taking my trousers down?"
"Just bend over. This may be a little uncomfortable"
"(hic) Why would it be (hic) uncomfortable what are you going to dooooooooooooooooooooh"
"Better?"
"It seems to have stopped. Thank you doc you are my hero. You have literally saved my life. I couldn't go on like that another day".
"you are very welcome Mr Johnson. I will finally get the recognition I deserve. Those fools will laugh on the other side of their faces!"
"Doc?"
"Yes Mr Johnson?"
"Could you take your finger out of my arse now please?"
All this flashed through my mind. Was it time to see if my friend was a good a friend as I thought? No of course not. Nobody is that good a friend. Proctologists are odd people. They have selected a discipline which involves a lot of time slaving over a hot anus. They are the only people who would willingly go for this.
I just had a glass of milk. Sorted me right out.
Anyway. We headed to the exam and due to oversights in the preparation end of things we ended up getting to the exam in the last few possible seconds. This meant practically abandoning the car and leaping into our seats. We got there and started immediately. No time for worries or second thoughts.
Long story short (hah!) I passed. I still have more to go but that always seems to be the way.
As I read back over this I realise that although I started with the intention of talking about the exam I seem to have done most of it on hiccough cures. Does the blogger choose the subject or the subject choose the blogger. Deep huh?
I was busy ok? What are you? My mother?
Anyway, I had an exam to go to Monday. One of the dreaded Microsoft ones so I did a little work beforehand to make sure I was up to scratch and the night before I had a few pints to make sure I was calm and got a good nights sleep.
Actually reel back a bit. I had been working on this for a bit but the weekend is mine. I got some beer, some wine and a friend to watch DVDs with. Nice and relaxing. Actually the sparkling chardonnay from my local supermarket is pretty good.
While we are on the subject if you get the chance to try the sparkling Pinot grigio crack on. Not bad as a champers substitute.
Well, I decided to make nachos. Bought some tortilla chips, some guac, some sour cream, cheese, chillies etc. Knocked up my own salsa. I like hot spicy food so I wasn't shy with the chilli. It was all going swimmingly, had a few beers. Made the dish. Tried a bite and it seemed like I had tried drinking molten lead.
My oesophagus went into some sort of spasm and I ended up with seriously unfunny hiccoughs. The sort of hiccoughs that wrench your entire body.
It was at this point that I remembered this gem
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez
/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=3395000&dopt=Citation
This is from the IgNobel awards, the title was "Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage."
Basically, if you have hiccoughs and you can't stop, a finger up the arse will cure you!
Now I am all one for medical research but how the hell did they first discover this? I take it somebody had a bad case and was willing to try anything. Imagine the scene at a Harley street clinic.
"Please Doc (hic), I have been hiccouging (hic) for 15 years. (hic) I get no more than 3 seconds sleep at (hic) once. I am going (hic) Insane. HELP ME!"
"Well Mr Johnson, we have tried everything that medical scince has to offer but I have an idea. They laughed at me at med school and called me mad. MAD I TELL YOU! WHua ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa"
"Anything, I (hic) am desperate"
"Ok turn around and drop trou"
(Turning and dropping his trouser and underpants) "Why am I (hic) taking my trousers down?"
"Just bend over. This may be a little uncomfortable"
"(hic) Why would it be (hic) uncomfortable what are you going to dooooooooooooooooooooh"
"Better?"
"It seems to have stopped. Thank you doc you are my hero. You have literally saved my life. I couldn't go on like that another day".
"you are very welcome Mr Johnson. I will finally get the recognition I deserve. Those fools will laugh on the other side of their faces!"
"Doc?"
"Yes Mr Johnson?"
"Could you take your finger out of my arse now please?"
All this flashed through my mind. Was it time to see if my friend was a good a friend as I thought? No of course not. Nobody is that good a friend. Proctologists are odd people. They have selected a discipline which involves a lot of time slaving over a hot anus. They are the only people who would willingly go for this.
I just had a glass of milk. Sorted me right out.
Anyway. We headed to the exam and due to oversights in the preparation end of things we ended up getting to the exam in the last few possible seconds. This meant practically abandoning the car and leaping into our seats. We got there and started immediately. No time for worries or second thoughts.
Long story short (hah!) I passed. I still have more to go but that always seems to be the way.
As I read back over this I realise that although I started with the intention of talking about the exam I seem to have done most of it on hiccough cures. Does the blogger choose the subject or the subject choose the blogger. Deep huh?
posted by Student at 9:12 am
4 Comments:
I always look forward to reading your posts......
very funny.
I can relate to the "hot" induced throat collasping hic-up episode.
Once dumped some red chinese stuff all over my fries thinking I could handle it.... wrong wrong wrong.
Glad someone gets something out of my neuroses it's a two fold strategy!
We're always so brave when we order the food. I ordered a phall once (and only once) even with a lot of pints it felt like my face was on fire.
I think the main thing is you had a go at the red stuff.
hey.. at least your neuroses can be entertaing .... I don't know what mine makes me .... and please dont answer that question.
(unless it will make me laugh.)
thank you for the comment you left. I whish people WOULD start thinking, and actually doing something other than .... well what they are doing. obviosly it hasn't worked yet.
by the way how was the movie?
Hard to say, maybe when I know you better!
Thinking would be a good idea in world affairs as well as religion. Tough subject to broach.
The film was top notch thanks!
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