Loss

I've written and rewritten this entry a bunch of times (something I never do, usually you just get the first thoughts I have typed up). This time I have rewritten as for once it's been hard to get what's in my head, out.

The situation isn't really relevant here. What's relevant is that I cannot help. A friend is going through hell and I can only stand by and watch. You make all of the offers of talking or sanctuary but in the end they will still have to go through it. All you can do is try to be there for that one moment when they do need someone.

As usual in this type of situation I end up reevaluating my own life (I can't decide if this is just a selfish response or a normal reaction to the situation). Totting up my scores as it were. I hope I come out favorably. I have done some stupid things (some that hurt people) most of which I feel bad about (apologies to all for what it's worth, it wont happen again!). I have also done some stuff that I am proud of. All in all I guess we all do what we can.

Anyway, I suppose introspection is the normal response and I hope that it brings something positive. For once I can't find the anger that gets me through, just sorrow.