Piqued

Ok, I can get a bit testy if I am hungry. Actually quite a lot can make me angry.

Lack of:-

food, sex, sleep, exercise

All of the above can lead to me being a "bit snippy" or wolfman crazy. I'm a firm believer in maslowes (probably how it was spelled, it's been a few years ok?) hierarchy of needs. Not to attain self actualisation but to avoid a nuclear rage meltdown.

Other that that I am a pretty simple chap. I'd make a great pet. I have no need for world domination. I am not after your lucky charms. I don't speculate on who killed JFK.

Also a decent bottle of wine or a nice port. It's so easy to keep me happy. Why don't you want me to be happy huh?

There I am, metaphorically stretched out in front of the fire and religion or politics comes along and pokes me with a stick. Is there any wonder I bite?

Anyway, this is meant to be a soothing post so we will avoid the rage triggers and talk about something close to my heart.

Desserts

Chocolate Parfait.

I have made this only once. It's a mix of dark chocolate, fresh cream, butter, whisky and some other crap. It reminds me of the deadly eclair from that simpsons episode. I used glenmorangie to make it which may offend you whisky types but what the hell was I going to put in? Teachers? Not bloody likely. It's a bit rich to have a lot of, a little goes a very long way.

Black Forest Gateaux.

My friend made me one as my birthday cake and the sheer size of thing thing was enough to impress me. Didn't have any kirsch so she used brandy and the cherry syrup to soak the sponge.

Chocolate Mousse.

I have made a few of these and am always after some new recipes. I made half a dozen for a dinner party which was lucky because the american cheese cake went south in a bad way.

Ok. I think I might be hungry. Or I might need to cook. Or I could be slowly going bertie. Either way I am going to go.

Cheese and biscuits.

Like fish in a barrel

I don't even look for these stories they just fall in my lap!


"Evolutionary biology is mysteriously missing from the list of undergraduate subjects eligible for a US federal grant.

The department of education claims the omission is simply a mistake and insists that US students taking evolutionary biology majors are eligible for the grants. However, the incident has left pro-evolution campaigners wondering whether evolutionary biology was deliberately eliminated from the list by people who find Darwinian evolution impossible to reconcile with their own religious beliefs. "

An accident? So they are just incompetent not trying to force their beliefs in by the back door (fnar!).

"“I have reason to believe there is a serious problem here,” physicist Lawrence Krauss of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, told New Scientist."


Really? You think? The education board is basing its decisions on a book written a whole heap of years ago. They are avoiding teaching something that is established fact. Yes, yes, I know... SHUT THE FUCK UP. It may be called the theory of evolution but it's pretty much proven fact. True scientists allow for the fact that nothing is ever proven for sure and that refinements can occur to something. They don't just claim to have faith and then ignore all contradictory evidence.

Maybe we (the brits) shouldn't complain. If America turns out a load of badly taught students we should have the upper hand in science, like we are getting with stem cell research (I think the English are aware that a bunch of cells is not a person).

Apologies to all you normal Americans, I know you are out there as I have spoken to some of you. You must be a minority though or how the hell did bush get in twice!

We have our problems too. Faith schools? Should be renamed inaccuracy schools. A motto of 'we perpetuate hate and ignorance' would be good too.

Also, think very carefully on what I am about to say. If you are an employer do you want a worker who has a grounding in critical thinking and science or do you want a worker who believe stuff because 'they just do ok'? If I am hiring I certainly have to carefully consider hiring someone who thinks the earth is 4000 years old and dinosaurs are a cosmic trick.


http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn9833&feedId=online-news_rss20


I really don't understand why so many people are unable to think. We have been yoked by religion for too long. Britain got partially away simply because a fat king wanted a divorce. I think humans in general need to believe in a diety of some sort as they seem unable to take responsibility for anything. Religion certainly gives and excuse for being prejudiced.

Apologies for this little burst of sunshine, I shall return with something a little softer on the palate.

I can't believe you don't shut up.

Grabbed a lift to the gym today. One of the chaps was heading over to play footy so I tagged along. I could run it and skip the treadmill I suppose. Might even start doing that.

I figured three times a week isn't too much to work out. I am going to swim also and maybe have a go at yoga. What the hell eh? It's all included in the membership. If I am perfectly honest there is a chance I might even have a crack at aerobics or something that's just a little bit feminine.

Funny how when things are free and available you think, 'oh, it wouldn't hurt to give this a go'. Probably explains why politicians are always getting caught in hotel rooms wearing ladies underwear with a tangerine stuffed up their arses. Let's hope this new exercise routine doesn't go that far. I am not that keen on fruit.

If I suddenly decide to go to aqua aerobics I will let you know. We have no secrets, you and I. I might not mention the pink flowery swimming cap, or the short shorts and leg warmers I will have to don for aerobics. and maybe a headband!. and very possibly an extremely tight 70's t-shirt (see the video for call on me and you'll get an idea of the look I mean!).

Anyway, back to the lift. In previous posts I have explained about roundabouts and the need for people to have their fingers repeatedly slammed under the bonnet until they learn to use them properly.

So we are heading to the gym. We are in the right turn or straight on lane. In the lane to our immediate left (the lane that was for people going straight on) was this beat to shit car.

I eyed it a bit dubiously as I could see the driver hanging out of the window smoking a fag (for our colonial cousins that's smoking a cigarette not doing a driveby on a homosexual, just to be clear). I noticed her as she didn't seem to be paying a whole lot of attention to the road.

I started to say to the driver next to me that she shouldn't get to close to her as she looked like she couldn't drive for shit as there were dents all along the side of her car (ok, I know I was jumping to conclusions after all she could be a very skillful and careful driver with a clumsy partner).

Anyway, before I could jokingly warn my chauffeur she crossed into our lane and side swiped the rear left wing of our car. She wasn't jerky about it, it was a really smooth swoop into the rear of the car.

We stopped, she stopped, there was the usual swapping of insurance details. She then proceded to tell the driver why he was in the wrong (he wasn't) and how he needed to be more careful (presumably she meant to not be in the way when she was driving like a nutter). Now our hero was very calm and just swapped details. No arguments no yelling, I was impressed by this because all I wanted to do was see how far I could get my foot up her arse.

Anyway, I sat in the car quietly grinding my teeth and being polite. The business is concluded and she starts to drive off and leans out of the window and says, "make sure you are in the right lane next time"

If someone gave a course of things to say and times to say them in that would cause maximum rage in me she'd get an A. She gets double points for saying out of a car window as she pulls away.

Ok, nobody would blame me if I roughed her up a bit? Come on, I am not asking for much. It bugs the piss out of me when something is obviously someones fault and they keep refusing the blame or blaming someone else. Maybe she thought that by saying it it would become true?

If it had been just me she would have looked in her rearview window to see me driving after her like something out of mad max while howling like a beast.

I was a little shook up but I guess it turned out pretty well. No one was hurt. It could have so easily gone another way and you lot would never have known! One day, no more blog. Unnerving isn't it? I saw a quote once,

1."come on you want to live forever"

2."dunno , ask me in a couple of hundred years"

Whatever. If I am going to die young I'd rather it was from me doing something unwise (like a married woman) than some idiot bagging me by mistake. So people. Please drive carefully for the sake of people who are just minding their own business. If you do happen to hit me with you car you had better stop and finish me off or I will find you and kill you with a stick. It's for your own good.

This whole incident is told as it happened. I have no reason to lie on this blog.

You can't make this crap up!

Omnia aut nihil

It's been said that I tend to go at things. I don't really do half measures. I think the phrase hammer and tongs could apply.

This has been my way with everything as long as I can remember. I suppose middle ground isn't really my thing. I don't see it as necessarily a bad thing despite pissing off some of my friends with the way I deal with stuff. It certainly makes my love life pretty interesting.

Anyway having finally got to the gym I have been trying to keep a hold of this side of me. Probably best if I don't run myself into the ground in a fit of enthusiasm.

So, given that I can be a teensy bit full on once I have the bit between my teeth I am trying to get some of that aimed at sorting my flat out for sale. I just need to keep it under wraps a bit so I don't start trying to add any new windows or a jacuzzi on the balcony.

If I was armigerous a friend said the motto would have to be 'all or nothing'. I can think of worse things to have for a motto such as I can't be arsed or it wont get better if you pick it.

So, I like a sandwich. I went through a stage of making sandwiches out of whatever food I had to hand. I have the best picture (if I can find it I will post it) of an entire fried breakfast in a big sandwich. Me and a friend knocked it up one morning after a heavy night out.

It was a thing of beauty. A bloomer loaf cut lengthways and covered in tomato sauce (inside). The base was lined with veggie sausages then friend eggs, mushrooms and even beans.

To be honest I am not sure where I am going with this whole story but that was one hell of a sanger.

Who's hungry?

and we're back in the room

Hell of a weekend.

I celebrated my birthday so I took the Thursday and Friday off too. Four days of thrills and spills.

Had a great meal. My best friend made me a black forest gateux the size of my head. Four of us barely made a dent in it. We drank some wine, ate some cheese and generally had some fun.

Went to a bar that does the most awesome cocktails too. Wudan mountain, honey crush, sucker. Hard not to get drunk when you are trying to try everything.

It all culminated in a do at one of my favourite pubs on the Saturday. A bunch of us, some tequila and most likely some regrets the following morning. Despite leading the charge and being in a shameful state I felt pretty good the next morning. Unlike some!

All in all one of my better birthdays. Little sleep, lot's of booze, good company and very good times.

Police are doing the what now?

I was perusing needs to be glassed when I came across this (see below). I say came across, it was the first entry.


"
Britain

The Times August 03, 2006

Police enlist the power of prayer
By Ruth Gledhill
Police in Lincolnshire are turning to prayer in their latest efforts to tackle crime. The force is asking churchgoers to concentrate their prayers on crimes such as burglaries and violent attacks.

The Prayer Watch scheme, a spiritual version of Neighbourhood Watch, has been proposed by members of the Lincolnshire branch of the Christian Police Association. The plan is for the police to e-mail churches and Christian groups with details of specific crimes, which worshippers can then focus on in their prayers.

Dick Holmes, a police spokesman, said the project is designed to encourage communities to keep an eye on the churches themselves. “They are prime targets for thieves and vandals and there have been well-publicised spates of trouble across the county.

“Obviously there is the spiritual element which lets communities know about specific incidents in their area so they can focus their prayers on them if they wish.”


"


What the fuck? Somebody in the police needs to be bitch slapped. Christian Police Association? No wonder they are having problems catching people. Why not try doing your fucking job instead of praying or sending emails to churches huh?

There are times when I figured I have leveled out on the rage plateau then I see something like this. Why isn't our police force free of these groups. A police officer is not black or white, nor male or female, nor christian or jew or muslim. They are coppers, they are blue. Their one job is to uphold the law.

Someone needs sacking.



http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2296774.html

He's back

It's nice to drop the politics and get back to an issue that's that's like ringworm.

Chico. Some fool allowed him back on the TV. His new "hit" is a remake of the 70's song (which was pretty shit itself) D.I.S.C.O. Now it's C.H.I.C.O. or S.H.I.T.E.

This man has no shame. How come he isn't on big brother? I don't even feel that angry about it just bewildered and sad that people would actually pay money to listen to the talentless trouser snake.

People for the love of god, stop buying this sort of pap. It only encourages them. Don't give me that " the kids wanted it " crap either. As a parent you are responsible in part for their education so teach them about music too. Don't allow them to buy music from the persons (I just couldn't use the term musicians) who got their success from sucking satans cock and swallowing his wormy black jism (Again the phrase coined by Bill Hicks comes in useful).

And another thing!

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

For those not in the know it's a TV program where Lloyd-Weber is using a reality show to choose a new maria for the stage version of the sound of music. My friend watches it so I sometimes get to see some. Sometimes it's actually entertaining.

These times are when the judges make their decisions and get rid of people and A.L.W. turns up, informs them they are wrong and then changes what they decided. Suddenly people who were dropped come back much to the annoyance to the judges (who have had their professional judgement questioned) and the other contestants who realise that the director already has some favourites. Brilliant!

Then ensues a little power struggle where the put out judges, particularly the singing coach appear to be a mean as possible to the ladies saved by A.L.W. in a transparent attempt to prove that they were right all along.

SO "How do you solve a problem like Maria?". Apparently you keep contol of the whole process by questioning the abilities of the people you appointed to make the decisions while second guessing them and overturning their decisions in front of millions of viewers. Then I guess you get to the point where you don't care who out of the ten or so gets the job and you get the public to vote by phone (thus producing revenue).

Or my version "How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

I don't give a shit! If I had a choice of watching the sound of music or a pair of cats fighting I'd have to sit down and carefully consider it.


Big Brother

Genius. The guy who thought of this should be living on his private island in the lap of luxury.

It's basically a big noisome pile of shit. The contestants are mostly people the best part of which ran down their father leg. They usually sling a couple of humans in there so the torture is all the more piquant. Generally though when it comes to people getting voted out everyones a winner, until you realise you are voting them back in society.

The genius part is that even though it's utter crap people tune in to watch the maze rats sit about or make twats of themselves and channel four has convinced people to PAY money to vote for them!

Wait a second to take in the majesty of the situation.

PEOPLE PAY TO VOTE FOR OR AGAINST THESE PEOPLE.

The profit for this must be huge! Then this year the put some people who had already been voted out back in and got people to vote for them again! AND they have a lot of finalists to increase the profit margin. Genius!

I take pride in the fact that I have never voted on this show!

Political crap I need to vent at. Skip it if it bores you.

As much as I want to avoid politics i'd rather have my sanity so I shall make this quick. Close your eyes think of England (or mom's apple pie or whatever).

MoD papers found dumped in ditch.

Yep, some bugger nicked a holdall and ditched the papers it contained. The information was described as low grade but it's still worrying. and unneccessary. In a world where we are increasingly moving toward electronic storage and encryption should any government papers be carried around like a GCSE essay? Nuff said.

Browne defends UK foreign policy.

There is the suggestion that British foreign policy is against Muslims.

"Khurshid Ahmed, chairman of the British Muslim Forum, who was among Muslim leaders to meet communities minister Ruth Kelly on Monday, urged the government to review its stance.

"What we're saying is that there's a massive amount of disquiet about British foreign policy," he said.

"And some of our young people have the perception that this foreign policy is directed against the Muslim world and therefore needs to be looked at.

"And all we're asking for is a review, and - if necessary - a change."

"

Des Browne "Speaking on BBC Radio 4's Today programme, Des Browne said he did not accept that British foreign policy was "some kind of reason" for the radicalisation of Muslims.

"I believe that it may give them a focus around which they want to frame their grievances
Defence Secretary Des Browne, on UK foreign policy"

He said that analysis was based on a "distorted" view of foreign policy and that it could not account for why members of the community might become "indiscriminate terrorist killers".

He added: "I think that analysis ... fails to take account of the fact that the nature of this terrorism predates our involvement, for example, in Iraq or Afghanistan.

"One of the early attempts by Islamist terrorists to inflict substantial damage on the West was as far back as 1993 when the World Trade Centre was first targeted."
"

Ok, each side here has a point. Muslims must be feeling that they are being demonised. Their religion is constantly mentioned in relation to terrorist acts and what I can only describe as hate crimes.

Des Browne has a point in that foreign policy is not the reason these animals (I refer only to the extremist criminals) commit terrorist acts. It's just an excuse.

I have Muslim, Jewish, Christian and Hindu friends and colleagues. They all get along fine. As usual the problem is individuals from every faith causing problems. The news will always report on the worst events. Just like not every Irish person was IRA or UDF not every asian or muslim is a terrorist. Unfortunately, while there is this population of extremist hiding behind Islam then Muslims become more suspect to the security forces.

I saw on the news this morning a Muslim copper (a chief or something I was watching it with one eye while I got dressed) was arguing against the idea that customs should focus their attentions on more likely cases. He said it would create a crime called travelling while asian.

I think it's a horrible necessity. If I was a customs officer at Heathrow and I had the choice of a more in depth search of a chinese passenger or a passenger with a full beard who was a muslim I know who I would choose. Just as during the IRA bombing campaign I would have given more attention to the chap with the Irish accent. While terrorists are using Islam as an excuse and claiming to be Muslim then Muslims are suspect. Life is a bitch.

The customs people should be properly apologetic and treat whoever they search with respect but they should still do their jobs. British lives are at stake, off all religions, as you know terrorists are not discerning when the chance to commit large scale murder comes up.

I don't doubt that Muslims in general would prefer it if everyone could just live in peace and sort out their differences without killing. I just hope these people come forward to help and together the non extremists of every faith can stop these criminals.

Sorry about all that.


Grape expectations

"The British buy their supermarket wines by price, says a leading industry executive, and £3.99 per bottle is the magic figure for those searching the supermarket aisles. But can you get anything decent at this price?"

How comedy is this? After what I said the other day about trying to learn more about wine it turns out the majority of consumers don't care so long as it's cheap. I have to say I have been guilty of choosing by price in the past but even then I had an idea of decent bottles rather than just choosing the cheapest. The article is right, there are some decent cheaper wines but there are also a lot of bottles of sugared water.

I was pretty loyal to Pinot Grigio for a while. Love the stuff and there are good bottles under a fiver. My wine of choice would have to be chablis but that always seems to be around £7 or £8 and a hell of a lot more if you go for a premier Cru or Grande Cru. I reckon it's best to buy wine for the event. Still what do I know? If you find a 50p bottle that yanks your chain then you are lucky. Why try to develop a taste for champagne if you prefer vin de table?

Apologies again for the ranty entry. It really bugs me that people can't just live their own lives and leave everyone else the fuck alone. If Catholics want to not use condoms and put their children in fear of hell fine. If Muslims want to live under sharia law fine. If Jews wish to be strict with themselves again, fine. I don't want any of that. I want to be free to live how I want to live. Of course the law of the land should make sure that people have the right to choose (such as a Muslim girl ignoring her families wishes and marrying outside of their religion) what they wish without fear of violence and persecution. We are a secular nation who must always guard against religious influence (who now trusts Ruth Kelly with her faith schools now she has admitted being a member of opus dei).

Has religion caused the majority of mankind's woes? Does it still cause death and pain? Make your own mind up.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cambridgeshire/4793625.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4793477.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4791429.stm

Torquemada's shades

With the sunny weather recently I rediscovered something I had forgotten.

I am the proud owner of a pair of sun glasses that hurt. Personally I think it may be karma as they were obtained in a questionable manner.

Don't look at me like that. I am still a human being.

I accidentally stole them.

No, seriously. Total mistake.

I got sunburned in Ko Samui and really needed some aftersun. This hurt so badly that I had to carry my backpack in my arms rather than across my shoulders. So I was pretty distracted.

Anyway, I wandered into the chemist pushed my sunglasses up on top of my head as it was dark in there and went looking for the aftersun. I bought it, picked my sunglasses up off the counter and left. It wasn't until later I realised that I had a pair just like the ones in my hand on my head.

They weren't from the chemist, I think someone had put their shades down while they bought something and I had picked them up thinking they were mine. They weren't exactly the same but they were near as damn it.

I shrugged and forgot about it. Two pairs of shades are better than one. I started wearing them but something was badly wrong. The bits that go over your ears were slightly longer than my own shades. The tips gripped the side of my head and nipped pressure points behind my ears. It's quite bizarre. Sunglasses that cause me physical pain to wear. Maybe the rightful owner ditched them at the shop? Maybe it was some sneaky trick to catch our the light fingered. Maybe it's Karma. I don't wear them if I can help it but occassionally when I am in a rush I pick up the wrong ones and suffer from the ninja shades head pinch.

While we are strolling about Ko Samui reminiscing I have to mention that there was a McDonalds and a Starbucks there. The big companies pimping to the locals. You can't get away from them.

It was amazing they had any customers at all. Not 200 yards away I had the best Italian meal of my life (cooked by a swiss chef weirdly enough). Three courses served at a table, lit by fairy lights, at night, on the beach. The background murmur of the waves, the great food, the impeccable service and the company of my best friend made it one of those nights I will remember forever. The merest glimmer of a thought didn't even begin to consider crossing my mind with the slightest suggestion that I should eat at McDonalds (or that I would bulldoze your house while you were at the pub).

Bite me Ronald. Go find a hammer, sit on the beach and pound all that sand up your arse.

Pouilly-Fuisse

I wanted to avoid politics for a bit as it brings me down to see how little politicians care about the lives they cost. I'm thinking labour is out next election but that's a whole other story.

So I decided that wine would make a nice hobby. I like a drink, I already drink wine, why not encourage this by calling it a hobby. Yep, I don't have a drinking problem, I have a hobby, honest.

Now I am pretty far from being an expert but I have a small working knowledge of wine that I can build on. I have done some reading and have a better idea of what I am doing and choosing.

Bought myself some decent glasses for tasting, even got a carafe so I can decant reds. Hit the booze store and got myself a bottle of Pouilly-Fuisse. How the hell do you ask for that?

"Hi, I'd like a bottle of pooly... er.. poolay...erm oh fuck it pass me that chablis"

Anyway, I looked it up and now have a chance at pronouncing it correctly without sounding too much like I was dropped on my head as a baby.

So there we were. Glasses in hand. Wine slightly chilled. I pulled the cork and let it breathe for a bit (eh? eh? told you I know what I am about!).

I splash a little in each glass. We avoid looking each other in the eye as this is already becoming seriously poncy. The swirling commences. Followed by the nose in the glass and inhaling like a glue addict. I look a bit embarrassed and have another go.

Smells like wine to me.

Bugger.

You see the pro's on the TV talking about burnt toast and elderflower. Well I managed to identify it as wine. Not a promising start.

I take a sip. I do all the lip pursing and (while silently begging with my eyes that this will never be spoken of) allow the wine to travel my mouth.

Yep. There it is. It's definitely wine. The best I could come up with is that it was creamy. I have heard that you can train your palate. I hope so. Years of beers and curries and tequila and chillis seem to have trained my palate to overlook anything that doesn't come with a health warning or that could blister paint at ten paces.

This was a decent wine. I liked the wine. I would even recommend the brand but I couldn't identify what made up the bouquet (oh yes my friend) or the flavour. I think I need to practice more.

Let the training commence.

Back in the saddle

I have been a bit of a mess. Pleurisy or a lung infection with Pleuritic Chest Pain (and yes the capital letters are warranted). Many thanks to those who worried but all is well. Apparently I have to take it easy for a few days so still no gym but breathing is back on the menu!

The really annoying thing about this illness is that you look like you are faking it. All the symptoms are inside so unless you have a stethascope it's basically you saying it hurts when I breathe. The other real pig of the matter is that you can't do much. I got out of breath and exhausted getting showered and dressed.

I love to be lazy when I choose. I hate laziness that is imposed upon me. I am a very good nurse and a very poor patient.

Well I am back and fully vinced. The fires of my anger have only increased by being banked for a while.

Hoo yah.