Thanksgiving

This has been mentioned on the Radio by Edith Bowman (I think?).

Anyway, she suggested and I agree that we should celebrate this holiday in England.

Wait. Hear me out. No. SHUT UP!

A couple of reasons. Wait for it.

Firstly. There are things we should be thankful for (I shall come back to this point in a bit).

Secondly. It's a great excuse to get together with family and friends, have a meal, have a drink and generally make merry.

Thirdly. We should have a national day off (one of the things I would be thankful for (see above)).

Now, when I have been carrying the words of Miss Bowman forth I have hit a bit of turbulence. Some of the people I have mentioned this to are against it!!!


WHY????????

I shall tell you.

Apparently, it's "a bloody American holiday" and why should we Brits celebrate that? God bless the queen, Land of hope and glory etc etc.

Now I don't get this point of view. If we got the day off who cares why? I like the idea of being thankful (even if it is just for having a day off), I like getting together with people I care about for a big meal or a celebration, I don't like the people who think we still have the empire.


Let it go people. The colonies are independent now. I am, not asking you to celebrate independence day, just thanksgiving. Surely you have something to be thankful for? If it upsets you so much, how about you go to work and I get the day off? Hmmm?

Miserable bastards.

Nothing to say

It's official, I think I am empty.

I have ranted and raged about issues big and small and now I have nothing to say.

I could go on about OJ simpson and how proud I am of our colonial cousins for kicking that alledged murderer into touch.

I could talk about the money the government is putting towards training parents not to be negligent so that their ratboy kids stop being asbo scum.

I could even mention the lies we are beiong told about the cost of the olympics. "it'll be ready on time, it wont go over budget, trust us". How about if it does go over budget and isn't finished on time we get to watch a couple of builders dressed as bunny rabbits pound sand up tessa jowells arse? Or the committee led by Seb co could pay out of their own pockets.

Me? I couldn't give a shit if the olympics is held in London. I don't feel proud that it will be. I certainly don't feel I should be expected to pay a penny towards it. Let all those land of hope and glory fucks pay for it if they wanted it so badly.

Ok so it will revitalise part of the city and provide new sporting venues, brilliant. When I visit them I will pay then. Given that it's a fair way from where I live it's pretty unlikely I will travel to go to the gym isn't it.

See nothing to say.

My room 101 issue this week is me. I have been slack or rather I have been busy. I haven't had time to sit down and write an entry. I have grabbed a spare five minutes and the tosh above was all I could come up with.

I guess I do have one thing. As a person who will give an opinion on subjects I am not an expert in I am totally happy with people who do the same. However, It's not cool for someone who doesn't know what they are talking about to decide an issue.

My example is this. You are a bricklayer. You know how to lay those bricks so the wall stays up, right? Now suppose the site owner puts pressure on the foreman for you to lay bricks in a fashion that you know will cause trouble in the future. Big trouble. I am talking a little old lady and her dog mashed flat by a falling wall.

What do you do? You know best in this case. You are the expert with years of industry experience. The site owner is, and lets be totally fair to him, a git. He is so far out of his depth in this discussion I have to adjust my conversation and explanations as I keep over shooting. The problem is he is in a position of power and the foreman is not preventing him from causing this catastrophe.

What do you do? You are not in a position to refuse a direct instruction yet if you go ahead you will be complicit. I guess you just have to explain that if this is done it is done against your direct advice and the site owner will have to take responsibility for the damage caused. The only problem is once it's all screwed up they come to the bricklayer to rebuild the wall.

The idiot, sorry did I say idiot? I meant of course fucking idiot, will take no responsibility or suffer any consequences from the damage that they cause that will filter down again onto the shoulders of the brick layer.

Boy oh boy, I'd hate to be in his shoes!

Public Toilets

Here we go. Back to basics. The stuff that bugs me.

It's not the toilets I hate, lets be clear on that. It's some of the people that use them.

For a start some mens toilets smell like the monkey house at the zoo. This is usually due to a combination of not enough cleaning and pikey scum. Now I am not having a go at travellers or romany types (though david essex is on my list). I am using the term pikey scum to refer to people who piss like meercats marking their territory.

It makes no sense. Even if you are filthy enough to not care that other people will be where you have marked the floor you may want to use the facilities again sometime.

As far as I am concerned they should have their noses rubbed in it...and possibly be hit over the nose with a newspaper (or a shovel). I try not to use public toilets but if I have to then I want something pristine, or at least not like the seventh circle of hell.

Near where I live the McDonalds always has a decent toilet. It makes me happy to go for a McShit. (NB a McShit can be defined as going into a fast food resturant just to take a dump. You must not order any food or give them any custom whatsoever. If you are challenged promise to get something on the way out then just leave (known as a McShit with lies), what are they going to do? As working in McDonalds is the job you get if you fuck up in school the people in there probably wont be the most motivated to harrass you.).

So people I am making a pleading request that if you do see someone soiling our environment rub their noses in it.

It will make the world a better place!

Getting Tantric

Feeling very chilled as I just got back from Yoga.

I have had a few comments about the fact that I do yoga.

Some people think I do it so I can watch girls stretch and bend over. This would be a nice bonus but when you are trying to do a shoulder stand with your legs open it becomes less of a priority than not snapping my own head off.

It has been suggested that it's a little bit effeminate to that I just have to say try it. I work out pretty regularly and still can't do some of the forms. It's not an easy thing to do.

I find it helps me with a lot of things. My health, my fitness, my flexibility, my need to kill and maim, my concentration etc, etc. I have a session then I am set for the afternoon. I'm so pleased with the effects that I am doing a second class during the week. Some kind of cross between yoga and pilates.

Sounds lovely and fluffy doesn't it? Yogalates. I am betting it will hurt and make me look like the unfit lazy dog that I am.

Anyway, the whole yoga things helps me stay centered and helps my patience when I have to deal with fools. I expect in a couple of weeks I will so enlightened that I will stop cuffing people and telling them to mend their ways.

Not sure where I am going with this. Just wanted to point out that I am chilled and happy.

How to learn a lesson.

A news story came to my attention. A 22 year old male in Sunderland "suffered a scorched colon" when he tried to lauch a firework from his anus.

"Douglas McDougal, from the NEAS, said: "We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding.

"He sustained fairly significant injuries in the fact that there's huge damage to that particular area." "

Can you say idiot? I think we were witnessing darwinism in action although he needs to try harder. Perhaps his name could be given out so that any girl who may end up marrying this fool doesn't breed idiot kids.

This is the way to learn. I bet he never tries to lauch a firework from his arse again. I would have said that particular lesson should be obvious without the try it and see thing. Maybe he needs to be told that he should douse himself in petrol and light it.

Just in case. Ouch I bet that smarts. No curry for a while eh?

Some people might say that we shouldn't laugh.

Not me.

We need to heap ridicule on this fool. There should be signs around his house. When he goes out there should be a marching band that follows him playing march of the idiots. If anything needs to be emphasised it's how stupid it is to put explosives in your arse and light them.

Who want's to sneak into this dicks hospital room and write saltwater enema on his patient notes?


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wear/6132140.stm

Bloody Hell

I have been trawling the internet recently and checking out some of the blogs that abound.

I have realised that there are people out there that I have absolutely nothing in common with, that I am pround to not be like.

In fact it's actually scary to think that some of them actually hold these views. Not having a joke. Not being ironic. They actually and truely believe what they are saying.

I know I bang on about stuff that irritates me but I have never felt that an entire people should be wiped from the map or that we should round up immigrants and send them packing. I even support the right of individuals to be as religious as they like (and those who read this blog regularly will know how I feel about religion).

For all my own prejudices I have never once thought that my way was the only way that should be allowed. I have never wanted to force my beliefs on others or felt that there should be a law that made dissention a crime.

I can only hope that although there seem to be a lot of extremists on the web the majority of people just want to live their own lives without interference because if what I read was a representative sample then we as a species are seriously fucked.

It's bad enough that "some" people believe that whole races should be wiped from the map. I can only hope this isn't a common view.

Take a look at yourself now. What do you believe? Do you hate? Why? How do you feel about Muslims if you are a Christian? Or vise versa? How do you feel about the religious if you are an athiest?

Why should anyone have the right to tell me I am evil or morally wrong or the wrong colour? Why should anyone have the law given right to arrest me for something I say? Whatever that may be. As long as I am not hurting anyone else or damaging their property I should have the right to freedom of expression. If I choose to draw a picture of mohammed or make a rude limerick about Jesus or even laugh at a political figure should I be punished?

Decide what rights you want for yourself. Think about how you would feel if others tried to deny you these rights. Now apply that to others. They have the same right to freedom of expression, to freedom from persecution as you do.

Bastard. I hate getting serious. This shit shouldn't have to be stated.

I have come as close to deleting this post as I ever have any other. This blog isn't about the world it's about my world. It's about things that annoy or amuse me (sometimes both). It's also about the therapy. I suppose the above could be something I need to rant about but it seems too big. I like to go on about smaller stuff like why the hell when you are trying to be suave do bras seem padlocked shut?

Seriously, do they make more secure versions for girls that date me? I used to have a move like clicking my fingers and I could do it one handed. What in the name of Jesus' asshole is going on?

Pyromaniacs Dream

Went to the firework display. As usual it was absolutely amazing. They send up rockets that you aren't even allowed to possess without a special licence!

One thing that really ticks me off is that they still sell fireworks to every sovereign wearing mouth breather who can spare a few quid from their giro.

I appreciate that the majority of people who buy fireworks use them safely in the garden and have a nice time but there are a few who let them off all hours of the night. The police are doing their best but if you sell what are effectively exploding projectiles to the hard of thinking there are going to be problems.

On the bright side each year some of these dumb fucks blow a few fingers off and hopefully learn a valuable lesson. You can't put a price on education I always say!

It was a pretty cool night all in all. Xmas is looming ever closer. This year I am determined to get the majority of my shopping done early so that I can swan about on xmas eve with the calm smug look of the together. Other people can look panicked and flap about. I will be the one merrily propping up the bar.

It's safer for everyone.

Et tu Brute

It's been one hell of a week. Betrayal, intrigue, cooking and some pretty nifty purchases on the booze front.

Anyway I am glad it's over. I have worked hard and now it's time to play hard (or at least go and see the fireworks and perhaps bend my arm a little).

I got a bit over excited and bought myself a bottle of single malt whisky (Aberlour if you must know). You see, last weekend I was out on the pi... er having a drink with an old friend. She and I wandered about between pub and wagamommas then back to pub (and then onto another pub). Had a few drinks, bumped into a few people then headed back to hers where another friend had got back from London.

He very generously (as I know now) poured us both some whisky. This stuff, The Macallan it was called, gave me a real taste for whisky. I have always hated the taste but I think that is mostly from early experimentation with inferior brands. The Macallan went down like a £3000 a night French hooker and created a pleasant warming sensation. Rather than the stuff I have tried before which went down like drinking burning sulphur and made me gag.

So anyway I decided I should experiment with the water of life. As I was choosing a few wines (and I got a cheeky dessert wine for only £3.99! Half price! I could hardly believe my luck) I nipped and had a chat with the wine and port guy who has also been known to take a nip of whisky and asked his opinion.

So, I am stocked for a while now. PLUS!!!! It's the fireworks Saturday. I will nip off to a display and maybe come back and have a warming whisky OR, it could be and excuse to get the hip flask out again!

So although it's been a tough week all will be well. You know what they say, when life gives you lemons.... squirt it into some bastards eye and go have a beer.

I think it could be a fun weekend. Have a good one all!

Is Halloween too scary?

The following is lifted from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6099008.stm

I felt it was important to give this guy his full say. My comments follow underneath.

"The sinister side of Halloween is being exploited, says one leading church figure, when it could celebrate the triumph of good over evil. Can Halloween go cuddly?

Halloween, Fright Night, All Hallow's Eve. Call it what you will, but it's supposed to be scary... right?

Not according to one cleric, who wants people to come away from Halloween's darker side.

The Rt Rev David Gillett, the Bishop of Bolton, says the "more horrific" of masks prove too scary for many children. With the Mothers' Union - a Christian parenting group - Bishop Gillett is backing a campaign called Halloween Choice to promote the lighter side of the festival.

Child going to trick or treat
A time to have fun?
"The emphasis has become so evil and scary, I've spoken to children and adults who find it too scary," he says.

Bishop Gillett wants a shift away from horror character masks, like Hannibal Lecter, towards the Christian celebration of good over evil. And, he wants an end to the trick or treating-style harassment that brings out extra police patrols and can be a nuisance to some.

Costumes could have a brighter side, he says, and home-made outfits would let people set their own fear factor. Shops could stock up on hair braids, bright balloons, face paints and glow tubes, instead of fake blood and evil eyes.

"Why not lighter costumes? Brighter colours?" he asks. "Face masks that people could paint themselves in a way that sets their own level of spookiness?

"It's not to do with the occult, or asking supermarkets to stop what they are doing. It's saying when children are in a supermarket and asking 'Get me something for a Halloween outfit', they can buy something other than the horrific choices.

Creepy cash

Party-wise, churches have begun to organise alternative events for children around Halloween - parties with songs, games, quizzes and stories. But Halloween's creepy roots stretch way back, to the Celtic feast of Samhain as well as All Hallow's Eve, and in the last few years, selling scariness has been highly lucrative for supermarkets.

Children in Halloween costumes
Is cute Halloween the way forward?
UK spending on Halloween will top £120m this year, says Bryan Roberts from industry analysts Planet Retail. This compares with £12m five years ago. The pumpkin market alone is worth £25m. It is the third most profitable seasonal push in supermarkets after Christmas and Easter, with whole aisles turned over to pumpkin costumes, witches hats and the like.

The make-you-jump thrill is, surely, part of the attraction. Would children trade all this dressing up and trick or treating for a "nice" Halloween?

Halloween chocolates
Or too much commercialism?
At outlets like Angels Fancy Dress, in London, it is standing room only at peak shopping time as workers take their lunch not with a knife and fork but complete with a devil's trident.

But Halloween is not all about "hell and horror", says owner Emma Angel. The choice, to which Bishop Gillett refers, exists already.

Alongside its vampire teeth, scream-style masks and sinister clown outfits, Angels has sold Ghostbusters gear, banana costumes, "mad" doctor's scrubs, and, for children, a pink candy witch. Hardly spine-chilling.

We are already in touch with Halloween's brighter side, she says.

"It's just a great fun time of year for people to dress up, adults and children. Ghostbusters outfits are fun, not evil.

"People don't come in and say, 'I want to be Satan in disguise' or 'I really want to scare people'. They just want to put a pair of vampire's teeth in a funny way." "


Now follows the comments by P1P








TWAT.