Shit

Got myself sorted. Have a program worked out for me by gym girl. Champing at the bit.

The bloody Doc has banned me from the gym for a week. Have to take it easy. Lung infection apparently.

I am surprisingly pissed off about this considering what a lazy ne'erdowell I am. Plus the bloody pills will prevent me from bending my elbow (to drink you filth mongers).

This had better sort itself out soon. I am not happy about having to wait to play with my new toy.

I should have remembered.....

Go to the gym. Work out a bit. Feel healthier.

I feel like I was put in a sack and beaten with sticks.

On the bright side I haven't died yet.

It's funny how you never recall the pain of the first few times in the gym until you go back after a prolonged absence. Looking forward to Monday. That should really hurt.

Well, the weekend beckons.

Have a good one all.

Arrrrrrr, Jim Lad!

Film and Music Piracy.

Is this just poetic justice for the shitty way the entertainment industry has treated it's customers over the years?

You will all know the huge profit margin on CD's? The way film makers delayed releasing films on Video to squeeze every last drop of revenue from cinema goers, then delayed the sale so that the video shops would get their cut. The way they put adverts (ADVERTS!) on a video (or now DVD) that you have bought!

Now they are whining. "We are losing money Waaaaaaaaaah".

Obviously I cannot condone theft of any kind (even stealing from thieves!) but you have to chuckle at the furor that has kicked off. Those adverts at the start of a film against video piracy makes any right minded person want to join the black market immediately.

Apart from all this I think the film and music industry needs to meet us halfway. How about refunds on films and albums that are a pile of crap.

I found the killers album to only have two good songs on it. You know, the ones they play when they are advertising the album. The rest of the songs mean I would get more use out of it as a silver coaster. Surely I should be able to take it back and get 80% of my money back? Fair?

As for films? I am a filmaholic. Nothing I love more than a decent film. Even a mediocre one will do in a pinch. For me to walk out of a cinema without finishing watching a film is extremely rare. So if I do there should be a full refund, no quibbles. Surely I am a valued customer who spends a lot on their films.

We went to watch showgirls. If you have seen it you probably already know what I am going to say. If you haven't then don't. It's the kind of film that makes you want to tear out your own eyes and use them to block up your ears. Apparently it has gained cult status, well that's a consonant or two out as far as I am concerned.

Anyway, the girlfriend at the time was holding an Ann Summers party (look it up if you don't know what this is) and as such all men were banished from the house for the night. We were quite a big bunch of freinds so there were quite a few of us guys with nothing to do. We decided to have a lads night. Fill up the hip flasks and go looking for fun. We also decided to go see a film that we were assured had plenty of naked women in it.

After a few drinks we hit the cinema and got settled in for the nudity. This film is the tear gas of the cinema world. People started leaving about 20 minutes in. We sat there, passing our hip flasks back and forth and desperately hoping it'd get better. by about halfway through we were running out of booze and were beginning to panic. Eventually we had to just leave. The film had defeated us, it had defeated the nudity.

How! Most men will put up with anything if there are naked women in it. This truely demonstrates that the film industry doesn't care about us.

Piracy? PIRACY? Justice more like. The worm has turned my friend.

Some days you get the bear...

Went swimming and joined the gym. I am officially a gym member. Does this mean I have to start worrying about calories? Stop drinking? Start eating hay or something? Start treating my body with respect?

Hell. No.

So I joined up. Did a few lengths and had a coffee.

The reason I had a coffee is that I was waiting for someone. A few posts ago I met this girl in the doctors. Thought she was cute then forgot about it. Bumped into her going into the pool.

Now I knew I knew her from somewhere. We looked at each other, I must have looked very confused as she said,"we met at the doctors". I was relieved as asking, "do I know you?" to a girl always sounds like, "I want to kill you and eat your skin" to me (rest assured I have never done this). There is something creepy about it and I hate saying it). (Actually I had to say it at a wedding once when I met this girl (she said she knew me too but for the life of us neither of us could figure out from where) but that is a whole different story which I may or may not relate some other time).

We have a thirty second chat then go get changed and have our seperate swims. I did my usual 20 lengths then headed out.

Figured I'd have a coffee, wait for her to come out then offer her one and get chatting. Then maybe dinner? Who knows? Anyway be assured I was going to be cool as ice and smooth as silk (Ha! I'd at least try not to look like a nutter!). This is difficult to achieve when you have dropped your shirt in a pool of water when getting changed (hell, who do you people think I am? David Niven?).

So there I am sipping my coffee. These guys do excellent freshly ground coffee. They make it from one of those big silver machines that look like they should do something more high tech than dispense beverages like launching missles or something.

Anyway, I'm listening to music (from my phone) and drinking this coffee. I'm feeling pretty good. She comes out and walks directly to this guy who must have been waiting for her. They leave together. I finish my coffee, thank the guy who made it and head back to the orifice.

All together now, "Somedays you get the bear, somedays the bear gets you"!

Sweet Jesus no

I have been on an expedition. A perilous dive into some of the darkest corners of the eighties. I have dug up some music that was better left forgotten. although one or two were fun to exhume.

Just a quick question. Stock, Aiken and Waterman.

What the fuck? Talk about crimes against music.

I'd like to think that I cringed in the school disco but I am betting that I hung out in my chinos (CHINOS for the love of god) and did the side to side dance with everyone else.
Actually I am particularly ashamed of a white jacket I had, I think it may have had (and I'd rather admit to genocide than this so I guess this must really be therapy for me) the sleeves rolled up! Ouch, the wince that I just let loose nearly tore my ear off.

Aaaaargh stone washed jacket. Leather ties.

"The power of christ compells you. The power of christ compells you.

Eighties OUT."

Aw crap. Anyone remember Tiffany? I wish I were alone now I can tell you. I need to curl up in a ball and weep for a bit. I think the demon trio S, A & W perpetrated her also (can't be sure but it has the stench of Astly on it).

Sweet holy mother of arse, Alexander O'Neal. Criticise? Criticise? I'd like to make my criticism with a pair of bolt cutters and a blow torch.

I was young, I was vunerable, I wanted to look cool so I could bury my beak, was it fair for the eighties to put me in a position where there would be a lot of incriminating photos of me looking like a spotty don johnson? I think not.

Why didn't I listen when my parents asked "what do you look like"?

To be fair listening to this crap has brought back some pretty good memories also. Most of these are not to do with satans tunes or the clothes of don johnson. Although AHA (take on me) still makes me smile, as does the original 99 red balloons (in german the British version is a bit shite), who could forget Transvision vamp (although a lot of that could do with me wanting to cover Wendy James in baby oil and get nasty). Still not a lot to help mitigate the eighties shame I still carry. Surely there should be some sort of support group?

Tight fit. "a wimba way, a wimba way, a wimba way........."[gunshot].

Dag nabbit

I know it was a good weekend as I feel rough today. More lack of sleep than too much booze though Friday night I drank a little too much. The heat was enough to keep me knocking them back.

What kind of a pub has it's windows painted shut? Plus the beer garden closed at 11 so we were herded inside until kicking out at about 1.30am. What else was I to do? I suppose I could have gone for a soft drink but have you heard about all these e numbers they stick in soft drinks? My body is a temple, so I like to take it out and abuse the shit out of it.

Speaking of my body is a temple, I have given in and am joining another gym. The way I can live with it is that as it's at my workplace I can go before work or at lunch so it doesn't cut into quality time.

Now to be honest I have my doubts about how commited I will be to this. I do love a good work out but I am also pretty lazy. There is an outside chance that I am just kidding myself and I am wasting the money I spent on the membership. Not a happy event. Still it might make me go.

All in all worse things happen at sea. A stitch in time saves nine and other pithy folk sayings.

World Jump Day

Well, as we haven't crashed into the sun I think we can declare world jump day a success. I think they will release the results at some point. Frankly, I have lost interest now the jumping is over but then, I am a man of action, a loose cannon, this time it's personal etc.

I hope you all jumped and are not, as a result looking for a new job/spouse/apartment. Perhaps next time we can all try to hold up flaming torches and spell the word 'ass' to the space station? Or perhaps we could all flush our toilets at the same time and see if we can create some sort of global effect?

This strength in numbers thing is very exciting and it would bring a tear of pride to my eye if we could use if for something ridiculous. Whatever we use it for we can be sure that it will be lots more sensible than what our government is doing (sorry, couldn't help it).

So here I am, in 3/4 trews, a t-shirt and flip flops (sorry andraste!). Trying to keep cool. Looking forward to a swim and a good weekend.

Have a good weekend all and try to practice synchronising things (beer drinking is one suggestion just off the top of my head, not that I am thinking of drinking beer or anything).

I'm sorry ok?

I want to apologise to everyone who has visited my blog and been put off by all the political yelling.

I'd love to never mention politics and just talk about the little things that bug me like why my sunglasses hurt or why bras seem to be locked when you are trying to be suave. I just can't seem to get a break. I try to avoid it but politicians have the ability to do such monumentally stupid things how can you not comment on them.

In fact how can you not get a crowd of pitchfork wielding maniacs to head over to their castle just like the frankenstein film. Look at the similarities:-

You want to reanimate this dead monster?

You want to train this guy in guerrilla tactics and arm his organisation, even though one day he might turn against us?

You want to go and visit someone who is in the running for a lucrative contract when you obvious influence in government would make it look suss even if it were just a friendly visit?

See what I mean all these ideas seem to have a tiny flaw!

If they could stop doing such annoying stupid things I could get back to discussing problems like why some buses have their exhaust on the pavement side of the road?

Help me out governments of the world. Why don't you stop being such wankers then I can limit my rage to the little things and maybe my head wont explode one day?

Political crap

Apologies but I cannot stay away from it. It's this stuff that most enrages me.

Bush vetoed the stem cell bill because, ""It crosses a moral boundary that our decent society needs to respect, so I vetoed it," he said on Wednesday.".

Apparently it's morally fine to rig an election (alledgedly), it's morally fine to invade a sovereign country and start a war for no justifiable reason, it's even morally fine to do business with terrorists (who trained and armed bin laden I ask you?) but it's not morally fine to use embryonic tissue to cure actual people.

"“The simple answer is he thinks murder’s wrong,” White House spokesman Tony Snow reiterated on Tuesday. “The president is not going to get on the slippery slope of taking something living and making it dead for the purposes of scientific research.”"

Apparently this does not extend towards Iraqi civillians. His Christian (yeeeehaaaa) values don't extend to people who are actually alive (as opposed to unwanted tissue that has the potential to become a person) if they are foreign. Let's hope the US votes in someone sensible next time (if they have such a thing in their political system).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5193998.stm
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn9576&feedId=online-news_rss20
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/5197926.stm

Next, Prescott "is set to be given a "mild rebuke" by parliament's sleaze watchdog over his stay at a wealthy tycoon's US ranch".

A mild rebuke? What in the name of Jebus's ringpiece is that?

"Sources say the Commons standards committee is likely to sanction what amounts to a "slapped wrist".

Sources have told the BBC that Mr Prescott is likely to receive only a "mild rebuke" because he swiftly listed his visit to Mr Anschutz's ranch on the register of members' interests.

He is expected to be told he should have made that registration in the first place."

You know what that sounds like to me?

Sounds like he got caught then "decided" to list his visit. It sounds like if the media hadn't cottoned on he wouldn't have "swiftly listed his visit". How does that get you a mild rebuke?

It really pisses me off, just like letting criminals change their pleas at the last minute.

Imaginary courtroom

"Did you do it?"

"no"

"Did you do it?"

"no"

"We have pictures of you doing it"

" Ok, I plead guilty can I have a reduced sentence?"

Admitting something after it's been proved is worth nothing.

The jolly fat man has denied any form of corruption. Probably while trying to squeeze his big fat white ass into the (said to be worth) £11,000 cowboy suit given to him (as just a friendly gift) by the guy who wants a super-casino licence (which of course Mr Prescott has no influence over at all).

Fuck. Does anyone actually believe this? Anyone? Anyone actually believe that Prescott cannot influence this? Even though he's not directly involved? Anyone actually believe that anything worth £11,000 isn't actually a bribe (however it's given and i am not even mentioning the stay at his "mates" ranch)? Anyone think that a member of Her Majestys Government should be accepting any personal gifts over a couple of hundred pounds from anyone who has a vested interest in doing business with us?

After all of that, does anyone think that it's appropriate to give the minister involved nothing more than a slap on the wrist rather sacking him from parliament as untrustworthy if not commencing criminal proceedings?

The man is golden. How does he manage it? Punches a member of the public, shags his secretary, accepts what amounts to a bribe no matter how he perceives it and is still right in the saddle. We should send him to Iraq as he's bloody bullet proof.

I am most vexed.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5196152.stm

All that has taken it's toll. Eyeballs bulged. Veins throbbed in my forehead. Foam gouted out of my mouth as I daubed myself with woad and stood on my desk screaming with rage.

Better out than in!

Anyway, yet another beautiful day. I have my eye drops so hayfever can lick my bag. I am off swimming in a bit. Then a spot of lunch. Party to go to Friday which sounds promising on the fun front. Then a lazy weekend. I may even get some decorating done (I have accepted that it's not going to do itself so i am going to try to do it a bit at a time and hope it's not too painful).

Out with the rage, in with the happiness!

Caught with his dick in the till

Some of you may be aware of the argument banging on about an MSP who alledgedly visited swingers clubs.

The News of the World released a story about Tommy Sheridan.

Old Tommy sued the paper for defamation. Apparently he has admitted he visited swingers clubs on a couple of occasions at "a Scottish Socialist Party meeting".

Basically he said the allegations were true but he wanted to prove them false. Surely this should result in some sort of charge?

I really wouldn't have cared how many women (or men) he'd got across at his swinger parties if he'd just admitted it. I think people should just do their thing. If they believe in Christian values live up to them or admit you are not a christian. Hell, if I ate meat I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian.

It's the hypocracy that I have trouble with. Just admit it and then stop the holier than thou bullshit or stop trying to get elected on a family values ticket. It's a free county I don't care if you like to have sex with melons as long as you are doing your job properly without defrauding or insulting the tax payer by expecting us to believe you are whiter than white.

Rant over.

On the bright side it's pretty hot here again. I am lurking in the dubious shade of my office trying not to melt. Lovely day though. Only a bit narked that the pool is closed for maintainence. Hottest day of the year, good time to close I don't think!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/5194588.stm

Greatest idea since thongs

I was looking at GWIMMRN and saw http://www.worldjumpday.org/. This is probably the most exciting mission since we all tried to help that guy get a threesome with his girlfriend.

Basic premise is that we all jump up and down at a specified time and try to alter the earths orbit.

Some may say that there are some things that man was not meant to mess with but messing with things that we are not meant to mess with is what we do best!

I am very excited by this, I say we jam three fingers in the plug socket of the universe and flick the switch to see what will happen! Of course, when it actually come to jamming fingers in sockets, by we I mean you.

I am not doubting this (what I consider to be) holy quest when I say it has as much chance of working as chavvy dolescum but I feel at least one of us has to be realistic. If you guys don't calm down you will make a mockery of the solemn nature of the event.

Get people in your office to join in, count them down to J- Hour (Oh yes). One of two things will happen. Either nothing will occur in which case you will be mocked or the orbit of the planet will alter.

If the Earths orbit alters and we solve global warming it was nice to have you on my team. If however we are informed that the planets orbit has changed but we are now spiraling into the sun. I don't know you and have no recollection of this conversation.

Go forth people, spread the word.

Swim Forrest, Swim

I am not the best swimmer in the world. I view swimming as something you do to avoid drowning. The ocean is full of things that want to eat us or at least don't like us very much. Swimming pools are full of human sweat and fat (yes really, don't ever go in a pool that really stinks of chlorine, first thing in the am is the best time after a night of filtering).

So I went swimming this lunchtime. Ok, I know that I said above but it's free for me at the moment and climbing costs. Besides it's hot as Kate Beckinsale in leather as it seemed like a nice way of cooling off.

Remember what I said about swimming? I can do the breaststroke (fnar!), the back stroke and that sort of flailing that all non swimmers do when they are starting to sink. I managed 20 lengths which is pretty good for me and managed to ignore it when old ladies went by me like motorboats (ok, so I shouldn't have ducked her but she was showing off).

I am in pain. I think I am still waiting for the exercise high that the gym freaks promise. As Jack Dee said " smoke and drink and you can get the same feeling climbing the stairs."

It's a beautiful day and I hate to bring it up but the news (or rather a couple of bad eggs) has shat in my breakfast again.

Cardinal Alfonso López Trujillo (adickheadsayswhat?) is trying to excommunicate all those who "...eliminate embryos [and to the] politicians that approve the law." Presumably the catholic church will be happy to pay for the upbringing of all the unwanted children their dribbling idiocy creates? No condoms, no abortions. Plenty of 'christian love' unless you believe differently then fuck you.

It seems the church is against science (again!), well they would be wouldn't they? After all science has been disproving church dogma for thousands of years. I wonder if they excommunicate the paedophiles within the catholic church (or do you just confess and become golden again?). Remember what they say, become a catholic priest and enlarge the circle of your choirboys!

It would seem that the church is getting a little hand from our old friend and village idiot for the world George dubbleya simian Bush.

He's threatening to veto the stem cell bill on "moral grounds". Monkey boy is against killing embryos while right alongside killing civilians in a just war (yeeeeeehaaaaa, praise jeeeeyyyyysssuuuussss). Apparently "..the Senate is unlikely to muster the two-thirds majority needed to override a presidential veto." Despite as "Opinion polls suggest almost two-thirds of Americans support the research"

Makes you wonder just who Bush is representing, apart from (alledgedly) his oil interests and his daddy of course!

The cells are harvested from embryos that will not be allowed to mature to full term anyway (this is from stuff I read so I may be wrong but I doubt they just grab an embryo randomly and go to work). Anyway apparently it's much more "christian" to destroy them rather than use them to help people who are suffering.

Damn, I got back on my high horse again. So I should just say fuck George Bush and fuck Alfonso López Trujillo. May they get cock rot in a part of the world without penicillin (not like they'd use it anyway it coming from the demon science).

Calm. Calm. Beautiful day. Aaaaaaaah theres the high I was looking for. Runners high can kiss it. Anger high beats all!

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=mg19125603.400&feedId=online-news_rss20
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5186458.stm

Sorry!

As you all know I hate to comment on politics!

BUT

For those of you who haven't seen the item a teachers union is calling for the sacking of a teacher who stood as a BNP candidate in a by election.

Now some of you like me find some of the BNP policies to be pretty abhorrent. However, they are a legal political party. My beliefs (and british law of freedom of expression) mean that they can hold their beliefs. It's essential that people have the right to believe what they like and hold whatever political beliefs they like.

Freedom has to be freedom for all or it's meaningless. Providing the teacher isn't pushing his beliefs upon the kids he teaches he has the right to stand for whichever party he chooses.

If we could sack teachers for their beliefs then we need to include the religious as well as the BNP. I think if they are trying to restrict his political rights then we need to review who the bigots are!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/5179408.stm

Ok, Rant over. It's Friday. It's a beautiful day. I am aching from swimming at lunch and I am looking forward to a pint in a beer garden after work. They a little dinner al fresco. Life is still pretty good.

I love the summer.

Why god. Why?

Now I like a drink.

Don't get the wrong idea. I am not a pisshead. I don't hit the bottle every morning and end up snarling at people at work like a tramp at Kings Cross. I don't really drink during the week except accidentally (yeah, ok, I may drink sometimes during the week).

I do like to bend my arm occasionally. Almost all of my friends drink so our social occasions tend to be in a pub. All well and good. I have had a lot of good times involving alcohol, mind you I have also had some fist bitingly embarrassing times too.

Booze seems to stimulate the 'this is a good idea' section of my brain while blocking 'the sweet jesus no' section. While this swashbuckling attitude is in place I have accomplished stuff that I'd hesitate to even consider sober (this can be good or bad).

I read a post of andraste's about her eye brows hurting from a hangover and decided it's a good job I am an athieist otherwise I'd be insisting that god is a killjoy.

I know that alcohol is poisonous. I know it screws us up and kills off large amounts of brain cells. I know it isn't liver friendly but it is a giggle.

It's a bugger not having a deity to blame for hangovers. Surely when you feel that bad there should be someone other than you to blame. I usually blame the girl that suggested tequila shots (you know who you are and you did it to me (again) a couple of weekends ago).

Anyway, hangovers are definitely on my room 101 list. Waking up to a little voice saying "This is the best you are going to feel all day matey. Get ready for a serious downward spiral".

Your brain panics for a second. You have no asprin. The fridge is the north face of the Eiger away. Wait! you have no fizzy drinks anyway as you used it as mixers last night. When you ran out of mixers you drank what was left of the vodka neat. Then you drank the blue bols. The stench of minty booze is all over you. you'd think it'd be better than the normal morning booze taste but no, it's like the colgate beast took a crap in your mouth (thank god you didn't have any malibu).

It's at this point you try to smile in a 'whoo hoo did I have a good night last night way' but the very act of moving your facial muscles brings on a wave of pain and nausea that makes you wish for death and seriously mitigates against trying to get up.

You have to though. Your bladder is needing emptying and your mouth is in need of cold, fizzy drink. You know you are going to have to settle for luke warm water but no point laying that on yourself until you have to.

You try to get up without moving for a bit then drag yourself vaguely upright. Head in hands you try to negotiate the the way to the bathroom.

It's at this point you will have an experience based on whether or not you are single. If you have a girlfriend you will most likely step on an upturned hairbrush. If you are single it could be the plug of something facing up. Either way it's going to hurt.

You can't hop as that will induce exorcist style vomiting. Take time out to try to hold your head and foot at the same time. Your balance will be shot so you will most likely fall over. Try to aim for the bed, or at least to avoid anything with sharp edges.

(I once got a musical toilet roll holder that played jingle bells. When I'd had a skinful on xmas day night it was hilarious. When I stepped on it the next morning and set it off it was like a punishment from the gods. Hungover tryng to find a screeching, repetetive, loud bit of xmas tat under a pile of clothes is no joke.)

Of course all this is worse if you wake up in someone elses bed. If they are still asleep and you were particularly drunk you may have to tug the sheets back a bit to see whether it was beer goggles or she really was as hot as you thought.

There is also the etiquette of the morning after to consider. Let's face it, neither of you are going to be looking your best. Lets hope you remember her/his name. If not could it be the time to start trying out the word babe?

Worst bit? Knowing you have this feeling for the day. A shower, a fry up and a cold drink (try ginger beer, hangover fix tip of the century) may help a little but you are pretty much screwed for a while.

Promise never to drink again. It's usually good for a few hours. You know you are going to end up back in the boozer tonight. It's a Saturday and you promised. You'll try to stick to soft drinks but sooner or later a pint will be put in front of you and you will drink it.

What the hell, you will go through the hangoer again tomorrow but tomorrow is another day,right scarlett?

Going Postal

I was involved in an argument with Royal Mail that lasted over a year.

I had at least five birthday cards disappear. Two with vouchers in. It was only birthday cards and only the ones that I posted to a certain area.

Royal mail leapt into action to investigate my complaints (a month after each complaint, as is their SOP). The issued me with a complaint number and then proceded to do a big fat fuck all about it. I never heard back. When I complained about this I was given another complaint number (as they couldn't find the first one) with the same result. I had vouchers worth £50 (in total) stolen from various cards.

It wasn't the money. It was the fact that the cards disappeared too. My nephew didn't get a card on his birthday because of either incompetence or theft. After flipping out of the phone to some "customer service" person who clearly didn't give a shit I received a dozen stamps in "compensation". Of course this didn't make up for the missing £20 voucher or the fact that my second card didn't arrive until after his birthday (I took it myself).

Luckily in England we have an organisation called postwatch who oversees Royal mail and investigates complaints. Did I say luckily? I meant to say unfortunately and instead of organisation I meant to say cosmetic exercise.

Complaining to post watch was just as ineffective as complaining to Royal mail. They said they couldn't investigate until Royal mail had had their chance then I never heard from them again. (I have just re-sent my last complaint from last year just to see if they will even care).

You'd think I'd be woading up by now but I have reached some eye in the storm of rage, a place of zen calm where I don't let the incompetent bother me. I avoid using the post wherever possible.

I use birthdays as an opportunity to visit people and I take the cards myself. I also take time out to hassle post watch whenever I can. Not that i expectthem to do anything but it warms the cockles of my heart to think I can take up some of their time and hopefully cost them a little money.

Big companies don't give a shit, that doesn't mean we shouldn't all complain as much as possible. If enough bees sting an elephant eventually it will notice.

Should I stop listening to rage against the machine?

Baby Steps

I thought I was an angry man. I figured I could just let it flow out into a blog that no one would really read much.

I stand corrected. Not about the not reading it bit (some people do stumble over it and give it the once over) but about the angry bit.

Apparently I am just a bit tetchy. There are some people out there whose rage is incandescent. Their blogs are a joy to read for me for a number of reasons. They seem to think in a similar way to me and get angry about stuff that pisses me off. Plus they are way further down the path to the dark side than I am.

Next time a friend accuses me of being the angriest man in the world I can stop them and give them a blog address.

That said, what the fuck is the deal with free papers? Ok, maybe I do like to know local news but I really don't want the free ads or the rainforest of menus from our local botulism plant (or takeaway as they are referred to, takeaway? More like throw away). If the environment is so important then perhaps we shouldn't be regularly bombarded with stuff that goes directly from my door mat to the bin. Hmmm?

Don't force me to take a stick to the postman. He's only doing his job (which apparently consists of stealing three out of every four birthday cards I send, Oh we will get back to this in the future don't you worry my friend) and it would be a shame if he was found severely beaten with a rolled up free ads paper stuck up his arse.

So, it's not for me. It's for the environment and the as yet unviolated arse of my postman. So please please stop the littering of my doormat.

Will somebody please think of the sphincter.

Customer Service

Want to piss me off?

Have a customer service department that doesn't give a crap. I understand that there are people who try to take advantage of customer service to get free stuff but don't treat everyone like that.

My phone company have been charging me an arm and a leg for a while. I have been set on dealing with this but being my usual slack self I left it for ages. Yesterday I called my phone company saying I was leaving them and I wanted my PAC code so I could take my number to another company.

Suddenly customer service leapt into action. Halved my bill and gave me a phone that has only been available a couple of days. It has an MP3 player, a video camera, a digi cam, makes tea, negotiates peace treaties with warlords and summons the Kraken.

Not bad I hear you saying. NO. WRONG.

If they can offer this to me when I am leaving why not see if I could use a cheaper bill or an upgrade when I am the loyal customer? I guess only dealing with the sqeaky wheels saves cash but it's not customer service it's firefighting.

The only reason I stayed (as I could get a similar offer from another company) was because it would have meant hassle to change but don't you think I wont one day!

You just wait and see.

Zidane, so in the wrong it's scary.

Rumours abound about what Materazzi said to him to make him flip out so badly.

For one check El Guapo. Is this true? Did he use religious taunts? If so Materazzi was in the wrong. If this is true he is a bigtime asshat.

Does this excuse Zidane?

NO!!!!!!

In most sports people will say whatever they can to psyche you out, make you lose concentration, to win. If you let them then you deserve to lose. At the level of playing for your country you have to be above such crap. The guy was being a dick, what Zidane should have done is score a lot of goals and watch them weep as they lost. Instead he got himself sent off, exactly as Materazzi was hoping.

Nice job!

Even if we forget everything else what people say is unimportant. Say what you like about me. I don't give a shit. I certainly don't believe it gives me the right to punch you in the face (or headbutt you in the chest!).

You let the team down, you let yourself down........

Sisyphus

Ever feel that you job is one big futile repetetive waste of life?

Ok. I guess I just don't like Mondays. I am tired from a weekend of fun and yet i have to get out of bed and perform tasks for a company.

Actually, it may come down to the fact that I have only just got around to sucking down my first coffee of the day. So I intend to grumble while I wait for the caffine to hit the spot.

Alrighty then, maybe it's psychological but I am feeling better already.

So I had a good weekend again. I made biscuits! Well I say biscuits. They were a little cakey. I wasn't keen. The girls liked them but I am not entirely sure they weren't just being polite.

I also got to try the best muffin in the world. Chocolate muffin with a cheesecake center. I need to learn to make this. Had a few drinks, a few laughs, it was a generally easy weekend.


I guess the world cup is over too. That's a big cup of 'I dont' care'. Except zidane, what the hell? The guy needed to be sent off for the most rubbish attack ever!

Muppet.

Apologies for the lacklusterness of this post. When I am buzzing on caffine and angry at the world I will be back.

Ok, you're killing me!

It's pm here. It's Friday. I am a few hours from a cold beer. How is this in any way fair?

All this crap about human rights and the company has the right to keep me working on a Friday afternoon? What sort of a person would make me clockwatch in a hot office!

Ok. Work.

Who the hell thought that up? I understand that as a society we needed to progress but this is getting silly. Also where the hell are the robot slaves we have been promised by TV?

Clearly once we have the robot slaves they will rebel and take over as the dominant lifeform on the planet BUT, before that happens life is going to be sweee-eet. We should get a few good years of indolence before your robot chef decides to see how you'd look on a meat hook or your robot gardener decides on a little off season pruning.

Anyway, I love Fridays. The whole vista of the weekend laid out in front of you for the taking. Even when I have nothing planned it's still the best day of the week. The only fly in my ointment is the hours between lunch and knocking off time. They draaaaaaaaag. Still I get to go at four today so I should just shut the hell up.

Cheers people, have a tall frosty one and think of me!

7/7

Seems like I can't get away from the serious topics.

It's a year today since the London Bombings. People I love were in London that day and I still remember the feeling in my stomach as I tried to contact them.

The people who did it are in the ground, the people who planned it probably not. Strange how it's never the 'leaders' with the bombs in back packs. I guess it doesn't need to be as there seems to be no shortage of idiots willing to kill innocents for a cause.

If I believed in god I'd say they were being punished right now. As I don't they are just dead. Ended. No paradise, no life eternal they have just stopped. They accomplished nothing except to hurt innocents and scare a few people. Not enough to stop us using the tube or doing what we want though.

Not much of an epitaph is it.

Serious for a second

I found a new 'most worthwhile site so far'.

This certainly needs some explanation as to some people talking against religion is a crime.

I AM NOT AGAINST THE RELIGIOUS. I absolutely support your right to believe whatever you like. Pantheism, Islam, Astrology, Christianity, Santa Claus, Shinto, that new thing Noel Edmonds is going on about etc etc.

I do not believe that religion has a place in schools. Schools are a place where kids should learn facts. Religion (I feel) is a personal matter for individuals to decide. Children are intensely vunerable and tend to believe what they are told so shouldn't the indoctrination begin after they have had chance to form some of their own opinions?

I speak from personal experience of Sunday School as a kid (where I was told about the "truth" of Jesus etc). I had the good fortune to study philosophy when I was older which taught me to think critically about ideas (that was a shock I can tell you suddenly realising that most of the stuff I was told was the truth was actually just what they believed, no proof whatsoever) and helped me to work out what I thought about the existence of god and of religion in general (learning about the history of some religions helped form my view and current events).

This is MY opinion. I have a right to it. Just as you have a right to YOUR opinion. I have no right to tell you you cannot be Wiccan or Catholic, you have no right to hassle me for not being saved!

I only recently came across the NSS website and it's one of the first I have found where reason seems to come before rhetoric. Respecting peoples rights but protecting our rights to disagree.

Multicultural Britain in a buzz word. What I see is a lot of people from different ethnic, religious and social backgrounds who need to learn to live together. I see religion as one of the most divisive forces on the planet. Don't believe me?

The middle east (from the crusades onwards). Northern Ireland. What the catholic church (with the agreement of the pope, Spain and Portugal)did to South America, India (I visited one of the few surviving indigenous temples in Goa from that time) and Japan. The inquisition. The witch trials in Salem (and elsewhere).

Do I need to go on? Check your history. I am not saying every conflict is due to religion but there are quite a few and they seem to be the lasting ones.

I'd like to see schools teaching critical thinking. Teach kids to question things. Teach them not to blindly follow dogma.

Maybe if we all stopped interpreting what our version of God wants and started thinking about how we could live together it'd be better for all of us.

Plus, if we ditched the fundamentalist teachings perhaps we wouldn't get idiots blowing themselves up killing others with confidence they would go to heaven.

I am pleased there is someone standing against all of the religious pressure groups. Free society needs this and it gives me hope that maybe we will come through this ok.

Sorry for the serious post. I will get back to being annoyed at smaller things now.

What did I just say? Don't make me take my shades off.

John Prescott.

Caught checking his secretary's (or whoever the lucky girl was) pipes a bit ago now in the news for staying at the ranch of the guy who wants to turn the millenium dome into a super casino.

It's ok though, john wanted to" make clear he "acted at all times with integrity"."

Well that's alright then. No need to disbelieve you. Especially since you have got your integrity out so often in the past. Didn't he smack some guy in the face a while back?

Set that example tubby.

He didn't need to declare it "as my visit to the US was entirely on official business and the cost was entirely covered by public funds".

Ok. You are not making any friends here. Your justification is that I paid for your fat ass to go to the states and stay at a ranch. How was it official business if you didn't talk about the casino huh?

I want to believe in politicians but I am finding it difficult to trust any of them. It'd be nice to actually have someone of integrity in the job instead of someone who just tells us they have integrity.



http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5145400.stm

Angry you are, MMMmmmmm

"Fear leads to Anger. Anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to suffering."

No.

Arseholes lead to anger. Anger leads to my foot getting broken off in your arse you little green rodent.

Seriously, how long did Yoda think he'd get away with it? If he hadn't been able to back the philosophy up with some serious psychotic acrobatics he's have been a dirty green smear.

Anyway nothing wrong with anger, or the dark side for that matter. Have fun with it. Sure Darth was a bit uptight on the death star but when he got home to his little room and got himself out of the S&M gear and into a nice smoking jacket and slippers I am sure he was good for a giggle over brandy and cigars.

Ok so you didn't disagree with his take on politics unless you wanted to talk like Popeye for the rest of your natural but I bet he knew a bunch of dirty limericks.

" There once was a man from naboo......"

Lots of places you can go with a start like that.

See! You can't judge someone on the basis of a bit of anger. I guess the destruction of an entire planet as a demonstration of the POWER mitigates against him but the example stands.

I'd never destroy an entire planet to show off the POWER. I just get a little tetchy from time to time. Ok, so I don't have a death star but even if I did you can bet I wouldn't go around showing off the POWER. Ok maybe a bit, but nothing ostentatious. Ok maybe I'd blow up Slough. Give me the benefit of the doubt here!

I find your lack of faith disturbing.....

and we're back with the anger

Bad sportsmanship.

During the world cup we have seen a lot of diving and cheating. Don't get me wrong I am not whining because England is out. Shit happens and although they played their hearts out on occassion they weren't up to the level of some of the other teams.

What I am hacked off about is crap like headbutts being ignored as the ref had already penalised him with a card. Dives resulting in free kicks and penalties. Deliberate cheating.

The papers bang on about society but with examples like this being set what do they expect. Fighting on the pitch needs to result in an arrest not a yellow card. Immediate sending off followed by being nicked and at least fined (with an amount that a footballer can't just pay out of spare change) if not banned from playing or jailed for a bit. So many people look up to footballers and although the majority behave themselves there are some who just do whatever they like.

Getting a bit sick of it. I have layed into the footballers as it's been particularly noticable during the world cup but all public figures should be held to higher standards than the rest of us. Politicians having their seedy affairs I can live with, financial irregularities or lying to the public or incompetence I can't. Models and singers blantantly flaunting their drug habits then saying oh I promise o get some help. Bullshit. Would an ordinary member of the public get away with this?

Famous people, sort your shit out. To be honest I don't care what you do in private but if you get caught in the public eye then you should expect to be punished more severely.

Pah. Sorry about the dull entry. I am still vincing it but I need to get the anger out too!

Grab life by the scrotum and make that bitch cry out some fun

I am trying to squeeze a little bit extra out of life at the moment. Just like the advert I have decided to see what will happen if I say yes more often (some of my friends might say I say yes a bit too often as it is).

Anyway, this (possibly short lived) resolution has been building up for a while as I have been pretty bored with being sensible. Yes it's a good idea to be careful with cash, to get on the ladder, to care about your career blah blah blah BUT I am bored with that.

Now I have done some stupid things (and I do mean epic) but I think the stuff I most regret are the things I didn't do, chances I didn't take. This attitude worries me a little but I don't think I should let something worrying me worry me (excellent, at least I still have all my marbles eh?).

So, my first port of call has been to start climbing again. I am typing this in a bit of pain as I have punished some muscles that thought they were safe when I stopped climbing a few years ago (ha take that you lazy bastards, I'll teach you to go soft on me!). Also I think I may have left some skin on the climbing wall as my hands are pretty sore, it was so hot that I had to put more chalk on after practically every grip (sweaty palms!).

Number two, I need to spend some time with my guitar. It used to relax me then I just stopped playing for no real reason. It's a bugger that I will most likely have to practically start over (still I wasn't very good so not too far to go, always a silver lining huh?).

Number three? Haven't sorted that yet. I need to get thinking. Don't get me wrong I haven't abandoned my life. I will still finish my flat off and keep working on career stuff but if I am going to deal with that crap I need to get some excitement and fun too. I quite fancy a bungee jump, got to be somewhere around here I can get that done.

No idea what yet but I think it could be fun to find out. Here's hoping I don't backslide...

Mad dogs and Englishmen

It's hot. Damn hot. I have hayfever and yet I am in the orifice doing what they pay me for.

Ok, it's not that hot. It's about 30 degrees. It's hot for the English ok. I know there are some of you out there who probably live on the sun or something who think 30 degrees is a bit chilly. I'm used to a cooler climate. Shouldn't complain, we only get a few months of decent weather in blighty.

Anyway, despite all of the complaining I am in a pretty good mood. The old anger is banked and although there is glow like you get from a settled fire it's a comfortable one.

I had a very good weekend. Caught up with old friends. Generally kicked back and took my ease. I may have to give the anger a break for a while. After all it's not sporting to go looking for stuff to be angry about. That's just cheating.

Happy Sunny Monday all.